I know that it is terribly adolescent of me, but I get a snickering delight in saying inappropriate things. One of my favorite things to do is admit to having a small penis in front of a group of people, preferably mixed company, the bigger the better. (Whether or not the statement is true is inconsequential). It is particularly fun to do it in front of one or more couples in the early stages of dating someone new.
Here is how it's done. Wait for a natural point at which to slip it into conversation (pun intended). For instance, if another guy makes some jocular boast about being well endowed you simply say something like "I wouldn't know anything about that".
You don't need to use an explicit term like penis, dick, cock, schlong, etc in the phrasing, but if you can pull off a very matter-of-fact "truth of the matter is, I have a very small dick" that is loads of fun as well. Be inventive, combine it with a cliche, "we're all stuck with the hand we're dealt and the small penis that goes in it". There aren't any rule as far as I know. Play jazz and develop your own style.
After you've deployed your little mouth missile just sit back and enjoy the reactions.
When the admission is casually slipped into conversation using indirect phrasing the responses are usually mild short-circuits. You can see people pause slightly, sometimes shaking their heads a bit, internally questioning themselves "did that guy just say he has a small penis?".
Some guys, no matter how its phrased will involuntary interject with something like "whoa not me!" or "I'm ok in that area!". Internally, I'm laughing my ass off as I've just outed all the guys in the room with small dicks.
If there is a sufficient level of comfort and rapport in the room and you haven't crossed the line into vulgarity the responses and subsequent interactions with women can be very amusing. (It helps to be handsome and charming as well.)
They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression, bullshit, but you need a powerful pattern break. Admitting that you're packing a half calorie tic-tac is just that.
Women almost never buy it at face value. After all, what kind of man admits to having a small penis? Women are used to men artificially inflating their net worth, esteem and the size of their ding-dings. By covertly offering up this minuscule admittance you play against expectation and differentiate yourself in a move of dash cunning. The looks you get as they re-evaluate their impressions, looking you up and down for signs of the truth say it all. "Is this half-wit painfully honest? Is he a cocky well-hung prankster? A madman, recklessly toying with social taboo? or a confident, socially savvy guy having a little fun?" There is just no way for them to have any certainty at this point. You've disarmed and destabilized the conversation, the floor has been cleared and it's time to dance. You can take it anywhere you want from here.
So next time your find yourself amidst tedious socializing and slow circling conversations throw caution to the wind, your small penis into the proverbial room and join me on an adventure of The League of Extraordinarily Small Gentlemen.
I'm Thomas Sherman and I approved this message. Ka Kaw!