Friday, March 27, 2009

Chuck Lorre Vanity Cards

The writer/director/producer Chuck Lorre is the creator of the television shows Two and a Half Men, Big Bang Theory, Dharma and Greg, and Cybill. At the end of most episodes a "vanity card" — a paragraph of white text against the black screen — appears briefly. So briefly that if you want to read it you need to pause the DVR. Most of these read much like a blog post, observations on life or current events, rememberances or notes on the episode.

You can also read these vanity cards at Chuck's site: chucklorre. Fabulously entertaining, but beware you can easily get sucked in and loose the better part of a day.

Fifteen years ago I bumped into Donald Trump. Literally. I wasn't looking where I was going and, I suppose, neither was he. Our collision caused his very large bodyguard to charge toward me in order to neutralize any possible threat to his boss. Now what happened next is why I've never forgotten the incident. Trump quickly looked me up and down and correctly assessed that I posed no danger. With a small, smirking frown and a dismissive little wave, he instantly communicated to his hulking assistant that I should be ignored. The entire incident couldn't have lasted more than ten seconds. No one said, "sorry," or "excuse me," and we all went our separate ways. After all these years, the memory that lingers, the image that haunts, is of his smug pout and condescending hand gesture that somehow caused me to feel utterly insignificant. I was reminded of all this when I looked at the ratings of Two and a Half Men versus the ratings of The Apprentice. Hey, Donald, I just bumped into you again

Trying to get a break as a song writer I find out where Harry Nilsson lives and bring him a box of reel-to-reel tapes of my original songs. He threatens to kill me if I ever come to his house again. Not funny then, funny now.

While working at Marvel Animation I'm told I don't have what it takes to write for the Muppet Babies. Sadly, it's true. Not funny then, funny now.

Write French Kissin' in the USA which is covered by Debbie Harry and released as the first single for her debut solo album. It effectively ends her solo career. Not funny then, funny now.

Co-write theme song for new animated series called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The show is a massive international success. The music publisher tells my partner and I that we will not be paid music royalties for the millions of video games and video cassettes being sold. The reason we are given is that they'd rather not pay us. Not funny then, still not funny.

When I initially posted this I failed to credit Bob I with being the person that tipped me to this. Big thanks Bob, great hanging with you last week.


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