Sunday, August 02, 2009

The Body Lexicon

From The Globe and Mail, and article on the slang used to describe the body parts of middle aged women. Funny and horrifying at the same time: Obsession with aging female parts has created a new body lexicon

The Bitch Wrinkle
Also known as Chapter Eleven (an appropriate illusion to bankruptcy, given the cost of Botox). It's that wrinkle - some have two parallel lines - between the eyebrows.

Quilting Pattern
When wrinkles start to form in a horizontal pattern along with the vertical ones. Found primarily on the lower cheek.

Vampire Dinner Lips
We could call the lines around the lips by their quasi-medical term, perioral wrinkles. But that's not much fun. Better to follow Diana Athill's lead. In her recent memoir, Somewhere Towards the End, she wrote of the aging process with an admirable sense of humour. "One of my dearest old friends could never get it into her head that if, when doing herself up for a party, she slapped on a lot of scarlet lipstick, it would soon come off on her teeth and begin to run into the little wrinkles round the edge of her lips, making her look like a vampire disturbed in mid-dinner."

Ringed Tree Trunk. Also known as the Ropey Neck. We have Nora Ephron to thank for drawing our attention here. In her book, I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman, she observed, "You have to cut open a redwood tree to know how old it is, but you wouldn't have to if it had a neck."

Gludgeons. Otherwise known as Dewlaps. The little bulge of skin where the arm meets the torso. Vogue named the body part in their August 2008 Age-less Issue.

Bingo Wings Or Dinner Lady Arms. Even Madonna, a super-fit 50-year-old pop star, was revealed to have them - the flabby undercarriage of the upper arms - when she waved to fans earlier this month.

Crepey Cleavage
Not worth displaying with the same confidence the area once inspired.

Also known as The Pooch.


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